THE anti-socialist structure of climbing organisations in this country is a scandalous nineteenth-century exploitation of the toiling masses. An evil cancer of privilege pervades the system. Membership by election ensures the continuation of the old order and exploits at every move the labours of the young progressive climbers. Even now there is domination by members of the feudal House of Lords.
Be warned: the workers cannot be oppressed for ever. Solidarity of the masses will sweep the old order away like a spontaneous rockfall. It must be a battle to the death between South Audley Street and Archway Road. Already elements of our peace-loving revolutionary group have infiltrated one of the senior clubs, causing chaos at the Annual General Meeting. The eye of the proletariat has at last been opened to the affairs of that provocationist league. Soon they will be on their knees and the cheering masses shall at last exact triumph over the capitalist jackals.
We know that so-called "club" for what it is – see any weekend how the opulent lackeys live in style in that palace they call a "hut". See by contrast how the downtrodden masses huddle under shreds of canvas – see the squalor where the oppressed are forced to find shelter as they can – so rightly called "The Black Hole". Then count the gleaming automobiles outside the club hut. See the privileged opportunists laughing sadistically at the wretches in the gale outside, as they warm themselves before a fire of ill-gotten coals.
Yet we spare these Victorian ironmasters the bloodbath they so richly deserve. The true revolutionary spirit of the country has triumphed after thirteen years of misrule and oppression, and we have a socialist government.
Where is the conscience of the Left?
We call for nationalisation NOW.
Solidarity for all guides in the T.G.W.U.!
Solidarity of the proletariat is the only pathway through the mires of capitalism!
There must be no subscription for the new organisation – Front for Alpinists of Britain. Every worker’s hand must be laid on the revolutionary machine, if we are to achieve equality for the proletarian climber. A small supplement to the National Insurance stamp would equalise every worker’s contribution to FAB, Students of course would be allowed six years from the termination of studies to repay the FAB contribution. Under this system the Mountain Rescue would become an extension of the ambulance service, and come under the National Health Service – yet .html extension of the welfare state.
Even this would become unnecessary as the willing hands of forward-looking leaders abolished climbing accidents. Those cunning diehards wielding power now have long duped the masses into believing that accidents are an inevitable part of mountaineering. This is typical of the falsehoods perpetrated by these demented oppressors.
By exploiting the sweating masses with artificially high prices for pitons and karabiners, they hoped to intimidate the downtrodden proletariat from the high and difficult moves. But they did not reckon with the courage in the hearts of true revolutionary people who overcome the fear of exposure by forward-looking faith in the right of their cause. Even so, there have been many martyrs; good socialist blood has been shed, a crime for which the sadistic fascists must pay many times over.
At one time, the propaganda-mongers of South Audley Street even connived at deluding the innocent and unsullied working classes into believing that the use of pitons was unethical. Their introduction was attributed to Nazi climbers from Munich. The truth must be told – that pitons and such implements are a forward- thinking and progressive invention of undaunted socialists, forced to flee from the oppression of the arch-Nazi Gestapo. Fleeing from the brutal Fascist police in Switzerland, they were cornered below the Eiger Nordwand. With true revolutionary zeal, they escaped upwards, aided by pitons smuggled to them by brother steelworkers. The hyena police were destroyed without trace by a spontaneous peace-loving stonefall.
Despite the fact that pitons are a progressive socialist invention (so-called "American pitons" are made from dies stolen by villainous CIA agents), members of the reactionary Alpine Club were using them nearly a century ago in provocationist manner.
In a true progressive system, pitons would be placed every six inches up climbs. Only by this means could there be true equality for all climbers. And naturally a national anti-obesity rationing scheme would lower the average body-weight of revolutionary climbers, so pitons would be less likely to come out. The great program for this enlightened forward-looking scheme is set out in our Five Year Plan – the Great Leap Upward. This plan also entails licensing the climbers, and the setting up of checkpoints on crags to ensure everyone maintains his sport plan and does not climb above his grade. Opportunist provocation and dastardly incitement of competition by the sadistic fascist bosses of the BMC are responsible for the accidents that occur in the reactionary free-for-all that prevails today, and meanwhile the downtrodden workers are bled of hard-earned wages to pay for the so-called Mountain Rescue Committee.
An innovation, so far suppressed by the capitalists for fear of defeat by the glorious and unified Soviet peoples, would be the introduction of competitive climbing on a friendly basis. The need for such a forward-thinking step has long been felt by the oppressed climbers of Wales and Derbyshire. Without hoping to achieve the heights reached by the victorious Soviet climbers, the unchallenged champions of the world of competitive climbing, the British people, with their obvious pre-Celtic Slavonic origins should easily defeat the decadent nations of the warmonger West.
Workers! Strive now for the silver medal at the progressive revolutionary Peoples Mountaineering Olympics in the Caucasus. Soon will come that revolutionary day when fifty million worker-climbers in a spontaneous demonstration of solidarity will eagerly shoulder plaster busts of Chairman Wilson to the summits of Snowdon and Ben Nevis. Unlike the decadent fascists under the feudal leader Baron Hunt, oxygen equipment will not be used on the ascent of Tryfan.
Down with the decadent tyrants of South Audley Street! Down with the provocationist brutality inflicted by fascist police on peace-loving climbers on Kilnsey Crag!
Remember the martyrs who have fallen because of the treacherous lying capitalist guidebooks.
Revolution now!
NOTE: These reforms, originally proposed by a moderate socialist group, have obviously been taken over by vociferous Communists. We await U.S. intervention.