LIFE'S A GAS

Merlin Tomkins

I eyed the landing site grey and gritty, a large stone slab; a good headpiece, I mused; wait till the sun comes round and touches me wandering among the boulders is peaceful and the problems tall thick and fast, even "Not to be Taken Away" first time.

After warming up on "Archangel" I pinch the neighbouring arete, at ten feet my foot skids off a pebble- I fix the top rope and hope the ethical side to my conscience looks the other way. A few intricate moves on and the delicate layback begins, I am surprised to find that it feels strenuous. At 25 feet the left wall bulges forming an undercut gained from a delicate move from a monodoigt. I wobble to a standing position and slap wildly at the sloping finish greasing off. I swear in despair.

Families gather round as I chalk up for the last time, no rope this time. I mumble the song money,money,money around and around in my head thinking about flares and blocked up heels; edging on a pebble I reach up for the pocket my fingers feel like soap, aghh, no time for chalk I wobble groundwards and walk smiling back to the car feeling all sick inside.

Three hours of silence in the back of a 2CV brings me to the car park, I walk up over the moor and through the woods, no one around; the other two from the car have gone to High Neb, the Archangel falls, this time on both sides for good measure. It’s now or never, after 10 feet of delicate high steps everything feels great; "It doesn’t matter at all aghh life’s a gas"; Stretch for the pebble the finish feels so good, adrenalin pumping I giggle in delight as the rest of Goliaths Groove floats by, short and sweet.

An account of an ascent of Ulysses at Stanage, first ascent Jerry Moffat, graded E6 6b.